Sample Content Preview
Introduction
If you do not know what it feels like to forgive, then you are missing out on a great deal in your life. You can make yourself psychologically stronger by learning to forgive and it’s easier than you can ever imagine. As you read through this book, it is suggested that you take the lead by practicing the exercises that are mentioned within each of the chapters. Often times, people struggle to get past painful memories in their lives. Even though this is not something new and we all know that we should learn to forgive and forget since elementary school! Unfortunately, many people tend to dwell on the past and that only creates a downward spiral of pain and disappointments.
The book puts this in simple terms so that you are able to start off with letting go small things and work your way towards the bigger picture. Ultimately, what we truly yearn for is a sense of fulfillment and happiness in life. Holding grudges to your grave is not something you would wish for, both for yourself and even others. We only live once so don’t leave behind disappointments and regrets. I was prompted to write down all that I know about forgiveness, so that others never have to go through the kind of tragic experience I witnessed.
Despite the general idea of forgiveness, which is “sacrificing” yourself for others, it is actually more than that. In fact, forgiveness is a “gift” that you give to yourself and people you love. You may not see it like this at the moment, but once you study what I’m about to share, you should be able to put negativity behind you and start to enjoy life to its full extent. Any kind of negativity will hold you back. Forgiveness is the life preserver every day offers you. It is your choice whether you take it, but once you do, you will understand how much it changes everything about your life and frees you from all of the pain and bitterness that come with it.
Chapter 1 – Forgiving Others – What is True Forgiveness?
True forgiveness doesn’t come back to kick you in the teeth. When you learn about forgiveness, it’s like giving a gift. You give with no strings attached. People who say that they forgive but still bring up the past every time shows that they haven’t truly forgiven. They might have said that they had forgiven but with zero intent. So, what is true forgiveness?
True Forgiveness
Daisy is a gifted child. However, she mingled with the wrong kids who were into stealing and because she wasn’t very good at it, she was caught. As expected, her parents were angry. After the entire saga, they encouraged her to move on and do better things in life. Verbally, they forgave her. Several years later, her mother was still constantly reminding the child of the thing that she did wrong every time she got mad. Of course, this didn’t sit well with Daisy and she felt terrible every time her mother brings up the past. Furthermore, Daisy found that this stifled her creativity and that she dreaded going home to her mother because she knew that history would repeat itself. In the end, their relationship turned sour and things only got from bad to worse.
When you truly forgive someone, the past shall remain the past and should never be brought up again. Forgiveness gives both you and the person you feel has wronged you the freedom to move on. However, forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting.
Daisy actually grew up to be a very forgiving person, learning from the lessons that she had been taught by her mother, and embraced with unconditional love. Even though you may remember the event as if it was yesterday, forgiveness means not bringing it up at a future time whenever you feel like it. You liberate yourself by learning to let go of blame and starting to embrace compassion. Let me give you an example:
John was always bullied by his brother. As he grew up, he had less to do with his brother but could see that his brother’s life wasn’t a very happy one. Instead of holding onto bad feelings, John learned that compassion was a better answer. He approached his brother to see if there was something he could do to help his brother through a bad patch. His brother was astounded that John would even bother with him after all the hell that he had put John through as a child, but when people forgive, it helps them to see things from both sides. You have to remember that people who make your life a misery are usually quite miserable themselves. You have a choice to let go, and to forgive, or to carry a grudge and live with blame and anger. Both are bad for you because these are negative traits and they diminish who you are. Even if you were technically right in the ‘blame game’, deep inside you won’t feel good due to all the negativity and sense of grudge.
Forgiveness Requires The Strength of Character
Forgiveness requires the strength of character, rather than weakness. Those who are able to forgive are more likely to live happier lives. In John’s case, his brother is now his best friend because he learned from the kid he bullied how to move on and create major successes in life despite circumstances. John’s brother asked him once how he could forgive and the answer is simple, to love is far better than to hate someone. He didn’t despise him, or try to prove that he was better than his brother, but he demonstrated that when you forgive, you become a happier and more fulfilled human being. There is no better example than John himself.
There are so many things that people are unable to forgive from their childhood till death start knocking onto their door. That intangible burden that they carry with them their entire lives will diminish their ability to experience true happiness and fulfillment. This places a heavy burden not only on them, but also people around them. Forgiveness allows you to lift that burden and to see life from a different perspective. No matter what childhood offered or left in its tracks, forgiveness and acceptance of life is a healthier way to go and makes you less bitter. That bitterness tarnishes everything that you do and each interaction you have with others until YOU decide to let it go.
Remember that it’s our responsibility to make the world a better place. Believe me, once you experience letting go, you will never go back to the bitterness again, because the choice is so much sweeter. It makes you feel like you have un-laden a huge load and when you feel that way for the first time, you will be shocked at how easy it is. It’s not even about pride. It’s about saying sorry and moving on in your life to start over with new hopes and dreams.
True forgiveness is when you can look inside and see no hatred, negativities or any strings attached to past bitter experiences. You begin to see the good in you and it isn’t being vain or narcissistic. You’ll be freed from the burden of all the bad things that happened and that truly is a gift that only those who are prepared to look beyond remorse and anger will experience. That, my friend, is the Freedom in Forgiveness.
Chapter 2 – The Power of Forgiveness and How it Can Benefit You
When you are angry, it’s hard to understand that forgiveness works two ways. It lets someone get away with actions that are unacceptable and that’s the side that most people see, but there’s much more to it than that. It lets you get away without all the bitterness. Let’s look at the ways in which forgiveness helps you. After all, this is a fundamental benefit that you deprive yourself of if you cannot forgive:
What is The Difference Between Forgiving
Someone and Condoning Their Actions?
There is a difference between forgiving someone and condoning their actions. There are a lot of kids today who had experienced child abuse at some point in their lives. So what happens to the upbringing of the child? There are only 3 possible outcomes: One is that they’ll be totally broken down, afraid of their parents, and have low self-esteem. The second possible outcome is that they’ll hate their parents deep to the core, go against every word they say, and become a ‘rebel’ child. In the future, they might even follow their parents’ footstep, thinking that “This is how it should be. I was brought up this way anyway!”
The third possible outcome is they simply forgive and learn from their experience. As a result, they could avoid the same mistake and shape their character into a more compassionate human being. It sure takes a lot of courage, but what you gain is so much more than what is lost. If you don’t learn to forgive, you begin to be the perpetrator and the lack of forgiveness is every bit as wrong as holding onto the memory and allowing it to cloud your judgment in the future.