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Chapter 7: The Power of Belief

What a lot of people will want to use these tools for is to increase their confidence and their self-esteem.

This is one reason we’re often told to visualize ourselves obtaining our goals. When you visualize yourself obtaining a goal, you produce neurotransmitters and hormones as though you had achieved that goal. As far as your brain is concerned, that has already happened. This then makes you much more likely to perform well when you actually attempt that thing.

Likewise though, when we unintentionally visualize ourselves falling, or stuttering up on stage, this actually causes us to produce more fight or flight hormones which in turn makes us nervous and makes us much more likely to actually do those things.

So don’t just restructure your thoughts, try to picture things going well – and with the backing of your cognitive restructuring you should know that this is actually what’s more likely to happen.

How to Become Socially Fearless With Hypothesis Testing

In general, removing anxiety and increasing our confidence is a very important tool and the more you can recognize the power of simply believing in your own ability, the more things will start to go your way.
Another tool you can use then, is to completely remove social anxiety using hypothesis testing. Most of us have some social anxiety even if we’re generally confident and by removing this, we can become much more successful.

Let’s start by asking why confidence matters in the first place. The simple answer is that when you’re confident, others thing they should also be confident in you. This sends the evolutionary signal that you must be higher in the pecking order than them – it makes the opposite sex think that you must be a good catch and it makes the same sex think that you must be an important and influential figure.

But when we stutter and stammer, it suggests that we aren’t confident in either the content of what we’re saying, or our own importance. Either way, this then makes people less likely to believe us and it makes them think that if we’re shy of them, they must be superior to us. The hierarchy has now established us in a much weaker position. It doesn’t mean they’ll be cruel, it simply means that we’re not in a position of power and influence.

Using hypothesis testing though, it’s possible to go one step further and to completely transform the way that people think of you and the way you interact with others.

To do this, you’re simply going to remove the anxiety you previously had when speaking to people by testing the outcome of it going wrong. So find a shop that you don’t often shop in and then go up to the counter to order something. When you do, do it using a funny voice, say something purposefully awkward, or stand in silence for a moment. It will be awkward and painful and it will trigger your fight or flight response. But breathe and try not to get too anxious. What you’ll learn is that nothing bad comes of this experiment and the transaction is completed as normal.

That was the worst case scenario and nothing bad happened! Do this a bit more and over time, the reassociation will also kick in and you’ll learn that there’s really nothing to be afraid of. Eventually things like interviews, dates and other social scenarios will be far less scary and will trigger much less of a stress response. The result? You’ll seem so confident and at ease, that your charisma and influence will increase drastically.