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SECRET#10: Know Why “Nice Guys” Shouldn’t Change…
The most important reason not to change a thing about yourself ifyou are a nice person, is that that is who you are. Believe me, there are plenty of nice girls out there, and if you’ve decided that, “no-one likes nice men”, and put up a front, you might just miss one of those “nice girls” as she comes into your world.
But at this point, I’m going to “break faith with the sisterhood” to some extent. If a woman thinks you’re “too nice” for her, that says wonderful things about you, and something significant about her.
Why on earth, you might wonder, would anyone who’s as great as this girl, possibly think any one was “too nice” for them?
The short answer seems, on the whole (there are always exceptions) to be that people can only accept love from someone else to the extent that they love themselves. They literally can’t take the extra, better, treatment that someone else wants to give them, because it doesn’t fit with their own concept of how loveable they are. Because they don’t think they deserve that love, the person offering it is indeed, in their eyes, being, “too nice.”
What you do about this depends very much upon how much you care about this person, and why she’s in this state of fairly low self-worth. If (as can sometimes be the case) she has had such bad treatment in previous relationships that she has lost her sense of self worth, then time and patience may well be the key.
If she has simply has some growing up, or personal development to do, to get to the point where she can love herself as much as you love her, then you may need to factor that into whatever you decide. As a nice person (and one who I hope, is now proud of that) you’re brilliantly placed to make the best decision in all the circumstances.
You may be just the person to help this girl to understand that real love and respect tend to come only from people who are, “nice," rarely or never hurt, and feel very different to anything else as a result. But remember to stay true to yourself and your own needs also.
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